JOKES

FUNNY MESSAGES

What happened 2 ur network? 
I tried 2 call u but the operator said "Welcome 2 the jungle, the monkey u r trying to call is on the tree.... Plz try later."

TEACHER: Kashif, give me a sentence starting with “I”.
Kashif: I is ……
TEACHER: No, Kashif. Always say, “I am.”
Kashif: All right… “I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”

One day a guy goes to his doctor and says, "Doc I have these real bad headaches. What should I do?" 
The doctor replies, "Well, to get rid of my headaches I just have sex with my wife." They both laugh. 
A week later the patient returns. 
The doctor asks, "How are you feeling?"
The patient smiles and replies" You were right! I feel so much better. And, by the way, Doc, you have a lovely home."

 

MBBS Final Exam:-

Question: Fill in the blanks.

If a lady faints, we must 1st check her PU_S_

Only few intelligent students wrote PULSE

aaj raat
.
.
.
12 baje ke bad
.
.
.
ek bajega [hi hi hi]

Ek train mein 3 girls baithi thi,
sardar aya aur bola aapka naam:
1: Priya behan
2: Shilpa behan
3: Sheela behan
One girl: aur aapka naam
sardar: Billu behanchodd

Heights of double meaning:

Manmohan singh after winning election:

ye to Sonia ji ke haath ka kamal hai, warna is umar me mera khada hona muskil tha....

A Girl Checks Her Weight = 58kg .
Removes Sandal = 56.
Then Dupatta = 52
Now Coins Finished.......
.
.
.
.
A Beggar standing beside,
Said
  you Carry On"",
I Have Coins!

u r Ultimate
u r Lovely
u r Likable
u r Unique
in short ......
u r ULLU !!!

Recipe:

1. Take a bowl of grapes

2. Put your hand in it

3. Stand in front of mirror

Your Dish is ready and name of dish is:

LANGUR KE HAATH MEIN ANGOOR

Modern Heer: na tu pehli raat kita, na tu dooji raat kita.
Naal suta reha tu mera veer banke,
ki khateya main teri heer banke...



If you find a friend better or sweeter than me
I Won't stop you
but when that person will leave you.
look behind
I will be there, ready to say:
KARALI BEEJITI (INSULT)...

Lady in a bus: aapka kuch touch ho raha hai.
Man: Oh, woh meri salary hai pocket mein.
Lady: Saale teri salary 5 minute mein 3 guna bad gayi...

Aapne mujhko dekha
Fir aap mere peeche aye
aate gye...
fir
firkya... mujhe aapko 1 rupeya dena hi pada


A girl in a bar walks to bar attender and
puts her hand near his lips.
Attender kisses and suck her aal fingers...
Girl said: Tell your manager, there is no shop in toilet..

Movies related to School:

Exams--               Kalyug

Classes--             Kabhi- kabhi

Supplementary--  Aakhiri raasta

Course--              Godzilla

Viva--                   Encounter

Paper out--           Plan

Examination hall-- Chamber of secrets

Examiner--            Mrityudata

Question paper--   Paheli

Exam time--          Kayamat

Answer sheet--     kora kagaz

Cheating--            Aksar

Paper collection-- Andha kanoon

Last exam--         Independence Day

Marks--               Asambhav

Result--                sadma

       Pass--              Ajuba/ chamatkaar

Fail--                    Devdas

Vacations--           Masti

Daag nila ho ya pila,
nikalta hai saraf ya neel se.
kya aya hai karke mooh kala,
Jo nikalta hai DUSTBIN se...


 

MATHEMATICAL JOKE:-
(13*13*13)= ???

Think  
Think harder..  
Not getting..  
Ans: Suroor.  
Solution: (13*13*13)=   
Tera (13)  
Tera (13)  
Tera (13)= Suroor

  (By Himesh Meathod)

Pandit nayi chaddi laya 
aur gaon me sabi ko dhoti utha-utha k chaddi dikhane lga.  
Ghar aya, almari khol aur pandit behoosh! why?  
Chaddi to almari mein reh gyi thi...

Ghajini movie se humne kya seekha hai?  
Guess...  
Try to kro......  
ok i tell u: 
yahi ki ganje bhi cheer nikaal sakte hai

Humne panni mein 1 coin fenka  
God se ek dost maanga  
hame aap mil gaye 
aur upar se awaaz ayi,  
1 Rupee mein aisa hi milta hai...

 

Santa: marte waqt insaan ko kya dena chahiye?
 Banta: Birla Cement.  
Santa: wo kyun?  
Banta: kyuki is cement mein jaan hai...
 

Kya tum udd sakte ho?  
kya sanjivini buti la sakte ho?  
kya seena cheer ke dikha sakte ho?  
nahi na.  
Beta, sirf shakal bander jaisi hone se koi hanumaan nahi ban jata...

Santa: duniya mein kis aurat ki delivery sabse painful thi?  
Banta: Sunny deol ki maa ki.  
Santa: wo kaise?  
Banta: kyuki wo nikla GADDI le ke


Boys attitude: A Boy when proposes a Girl  
If she says yes, 
then: pata nahi kitno ko haan boli hogi  
And if she says NO  
Bandari apne aapko Aishwariya Rai samjati hai


Salesman-- Sir, cockroach ke liye powder loge kya?  
Santa: nahi, hum cockroach ko itna pyaar nahi karte.  
aaj powder denge to kal deodorant maangega

Boy: I love you  
Girl: I don't  
Boy: Think again  
Girl; no, i don't  
Boy: waiter, bill alag- alag lana  
Girl; I Love you- I Love you keh to rahi hoon, 
tum bi na bas bura maan jate ho....

Ek ship mein 300 paglo ko le ja rahe the

bina ship dhoobe sabhi pagal doob gaye

kaise?

ship band ho gaya aur sabhi pagal dhaka dene k liye neeche utar gaye

Surdas: bhabi ji lo laddu

Bhabi naha rahi thi, ye sochkar ki surdas to andhe hai

bina kapdo ke bahar aa kar boli ye kis khushi mein

surdas: meri aankhe theek ho gayi

Wife: mere irade bare nek hai, aap hazaro mein ek hai

 Husband: dimaag ke hum bhi don hai 

kameeni pehle ye bata baki ke 99 kaun hai

Amitaab: mere pass bumb, patake, fuljhari, anaar, rocket sab hai!

tumhare pass kya hai?

 Sashi: mere pass Maa...

Maa...

Maachis hai, jalau kya?

Teacher: tumhare pita ki umar kitni hai?

student: jitni meri hai

Teacher: kaise?

student: kyuki mere paida hone par hi to wo papa bane the